THE POSSIBLE

I saw that perfect opportunity…while observing Arthur in deep thought. We were all mesmerized while watching the huge pendulum….and then Arthur stepped into place. The only thing we had to do was wait for all the people in back of him to clear out. He fit perfectly in frame…the style, mood and everything. The trick was finding the right edit that I wanted. I couldn’t choose between the two edits…so I just decided to show them both. If you happen to have a favorite, please go right ahead and share it with me. I like them both for their own conceptual and aesthetic reasons. Mostly for the conceptual reasons because it brought me to a place of reflection. I put myself where Arthur was in the frame…and saw myself in the mood of the picture. And it’s how I feel most of the time…always thinking about what to do next or why something isn’t working…and how to make everything better. So, this is my reflection :

I really enjoy photographing people when I’ve gotten to know them and talked to them because there are so many personalities to appreciate. So I hope, as the start of my company continues to grow…(I really hope) that it can be a part of my booking process. To not just have a client…but clients that become my friends. That personal touch always seems to be the key to images for me. Those are usually the ones that stand out. I don’t photograph generically…if I take pictures that I plan out…that I go out of my way to take…I plan them specially. They are unique and catered to that person…framed for that person… because everyone shines in their own way. Everyone’s personality is different. I am a firm believer that there is beauty in people…sometimes they don’t see it themselves… but, I love finding it, and showing it to them.

My heart is in this career…and it’s difficult. I have the experience, I know what I’m doing, I have quality equipment (but with technology…I mean…can I really say that?!) But, I’m finding it to be very difficult to be an artist and a business woman at the same time. My passion is for it. Before I started this whole thing….I had a plan… and I like to have things figured out and weigh all the options before I get into ANYTHING…so, I kept weighing the options during college…and after I graduated. It was a risk that I wanted to take with caution…and SIX months ago… (only SIX) I did something that I never do. I told myself to do it…put everything I had into it..and make it happen. Goodbye savings account…it was nice to know ya! No more sitting around…wishing…praying…planning. I was prepared…and if there was an obstacle that I would come across, I figured I was prepared enough to handle it accordingly. It wasn’t easy…but the adrenaline went through my body with excitement, fear, anticipation, doubt…everything you could imagine. But, ever since I was a bitty child, I told myself I was going to grow up and do what I LOVE to do and not just get into a job for security. I wanted to be who I wanted to be. Sure…always knowing I wanted to go into art, I had people tell me” Art?! what are you going to do with that?!” …and I would say….Be Happy. I’m determined to make it my living. I knew I didn’t want to get paid to draw or paint because I wanted to keep those as my personal outlet…but photography…I LOVED so much that getting paid for it seemed like a dream. My heart is in it…and now…so is ALL my money. I was scared….for so many reasons. Scared nobody would like my work, scared that I would fail, scared I would go broke (I’m still shaking in my boots about that one), scared for so many reasons. And then it hit me…I didn’t care. I realized, I didn’t really care if people didn’t like my work…because I LOVE my work…it flows from my love for the art, my emotions, my excitement, my style…everything, and that’s all I need to be happy. As long as my heart is in my work, it’ll be awesome. When people have gracious words of praise for me about me work, it lights up my face, brightens my day, and I am so humbled that someone else would feel compelled to tell me they actually liked my photographs. (It means the world to me, so I hope you guys know it!) I don’t dwell on the failure part either because somehow I have faith it’ll be okay. As cliche as it sounds…I knew I would only fail if I never gave it a shot.  Being broke…well that’s a fear everyone has. I’m still scared of that. People don’t realize how much money it takes to invest in a small business like mine. People don’t understand what goes into prices…how many long hours I put into EVERY job…how much administrative work has to be done…legalities, EXPENSES…TAXES…Oh, don’t get me started on TAXES. TAXES is the reason I only get what seems like the smallest fraction of the actual price. I mean, it’s not about the money, it’s about the love for my profession…but let’s face it…I can’t maintain my business if the proper finances aren’t coming in. Sometimes I cry…from frustration…frustration that nobody ever sees. Frustration that boils up BECAUSE I have my heart in it. I WILL go that extra mile to make you happy…not just because I want to keep your business…but, because I take pride in doing my absolute best in whatever I do. I cry when stress levels are high…failure rears it’s ugly head in my thoughts… Because if I failed…my heart would be broken.  I realized that I keep my happiness on the outside…always smiling…always laughing. I share my joy with people always….my stress and sadness never. I’m an optimist…so I figure how’s it going to help if I dwell on the negative. I don’t avoid the negative…because oh yes…it’s there…and it’s unavoidable. I just try to turn the negative into something positive… the negative just gives me a reason to work harder…the motivation to excel (funny…I know how to spell “excel” because I lost a spelling bee in 4th grade for not spelling it right) Sometimes I see other photographers and all the great things they do…all the great things they can buy…and wonder to myself…CRAP…why can’t I do that? It’s not so much about the work…I admire everyone’s work and feel like everyone is so awesome and talented. I’m talking about the money…where do they get the money?! I have to work my BUTT OFF to earn my business investment money. Then, I think…well maybe they just don’t share that part of their struggle.  I’m sure they work their butts off for it too. So here I am…I’m sharing that part of my struggle with you all. Maybe I wish I was much more fortunate financially, but it’ll all come in time….right?  So, now the struggle will continue…with my newborn business. I’m going to continue pouring my heart into it, and maybe you will stick with me along my journey. Maybe you won’t. I hope you do. It’ll be a great feeling to one day be able to look back at this post and smile (probably with tears in my eyes) because then….I’ll know I got somewhere. That it wasn’t all for nothing. And I find it fitting that I decided to change my logo to the heart I drew by hand…because well, if I haven’t said it enough….my heart is in it. I figure if my brand is going to revolve around something, it’s going to be my heart. And it really is my heart…because I drew it

And now…I will  breathe deep, exhale and say to myself… “Relax, it’s only been SIX months”.  Who knows what the next six months has in store for me. I’ve already done a lot and gotten far…but, I guess I’m an ambitious woman…and my worst critic…so of course I tend to be the hardest on myself. I guess in a way that’s good…because I’m always pushing myself…always trying to be better than before. God will help me along the way…

“Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going there is neither working nor planning no knowledge nor wisdom”
-Ecclesiastes 9:10