A funny thing happened to me last night. I got Dejavu. From another person’s memories.

I was looking for some form of inspiration last night…and I thought of reading Jasmine Star’s Old blog (I noticed the link and found myself curious). I rarely have time to sit down and read blogs and I had only heard about her a short while ago. Recently, I saw her current blog, but what was really interesting to me, was to search for her journey. Her struggles–the ups and downs. I wasn’t sure if I would find it, or that it would even be a source of inspiration. For those who don’t know her, she’s a well known, wonderful photographer.

Anyway, I stumbled upon this old blog post of hers from 2006 (I went to the very beginning of her posts) and a familiar name caught my eye–Lippke.  So, naturally I stopped and read the post.  As I puttered through the entry, I began to feel an utter connection even more to this woman-I’ve-never-met, Jasmine Star.  Not because of who she is now, but because of who she was in 2006…in that very blog entry- in that very moment she described.  She began to share her experience meeting with Lippke.  It was funny, because everything she explained–I LIVED it.  So, I’ll describe my own recount. Then, you can read her post, and see what I mean.

For me, it started with an email. A simple email, what seemed like any other. I had just graduated from college and was wide eyed, hopeful Erin. I was looking for a job in what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I wanted to give it my all, just to be around photography, to do what I’ve always dreamed of.  So, naturally the first place I went was the well known, yet-sometimes-shady “craigslist” ads for jobs. I pretty much sent my resume and what I know consider…a very newbie portfolio, to EVERY possible job ad related to being a photographer, assistant, servant, slave…  I mean it.   The post was vague and had no details about the job. Only that it was a studio manager position for a photography company.  I got an email explaining more and that they were interested in hiring me! AND…wanted to set up a phone interview. I JUMPED…no wait….I LEAPED in the air and pretty much screamed out to Omar in utter excitement.  I had NO clue who these Lippke brothers were.  I was just excited to have someone interested in hiring me. After the interview, I was glowing.  He said that they were very much interested in me, liked my work, and that I OF ALL PEOPLE was at the top of their list of favorites to hire.  I mean, okay…I’m sure that’s what he told all of the applicants….but that didn’t matter to me.  It was enough to make my day.

My in-person-interview.  I kept telling myself that I’m not the type to get nervous.  I mean, the thing that comes easiest to me is talking to people, pretty much anyone. I’m easygoing, smiley, happy, friendly, Erin. But, let’s face it…I was a little nervous.  I wanted the job. I had only researched their work a little before hand, but it was enough to make me want to work for them with an utter passion, every speckle of my drive. I didn’t prepare what to say, because I like natural answers, being real, being me.  I set out my clothes …I mean that was always the issue for me–to look OLDER.  No matter what age I’ve been for the past seven years, I look like I’m in high school–sometimes mistaken for junior high (haha funny joke….yeah right… NO…SHUTUP).  So, I knew that I was plenty qualified and driven, but the problem always is….how to get THEM to know it, and not only know it, but be confident in it.  My petite stature, the super young look I have, always was my down point…at least to me anyway. I mean, sometimes appearance is everything…everything that forms the first impression.  I wore the highest heals I owned.  NO joke.  Ridiculous…now I realize. And those heels, made it difficult to walk…which probably made me look silly. NOT to mention, it was raining that day and I had to walk up stairs.  So, I get my “older” atire on, and I arrive a little early so that I can factor in any possible accidents, getting lost , etc.  I walk down the street with my broken umbrella (I mean come on…it’s Southern California… RAIN? really…that never happens) and I pass a coffee shop of some sort on the corner just before the address. Since I had already researched, I knew what the Lippke brothers looked like.  For a split second, I locked eyes with these familiar people IN the coffee shop and felt instantly familiar with them.  The split second later, I’m slapping my head realizing that they were indeed my interviewers.  I had made no gesture of knowing…no friendly hello. Ah. oh well. My first impression…was not so eloquent.   Earlier in the phone interview, I had been asked where I lived…and seeing as it wasn’t as close to Long Beach as was preferred, I was asked again if I was willing to relocate and move closer for the job. “UHHHHHH—YES!” was what I thought in my head…and then calmly, (and super cool-lee of course) said, “Yes, I would consider it.”

Dejavu…

I finally wait around the corner for the time to be right, and then buzz the little buzzer for my interview. I wobble uncomfortably up the steps…regretting those ridiculous heels….as I stopped to readjust the straps that were digging into my skin.  I was greeted by the youngest brother–the one my age. I walk into the airy, well put-together, absolutely lovely studio in Long Beach and am instantly given a high—a high of excitement of course.  I’m already thinking, “Wow, this would be a great place to work!” A couple friendly guys sitting at the desks are introduced to me.  I’m offered a seat next to a pile of glorious albums (extremely thick albums) and browsed through them. A photograph of a cool elmo in the streets of New York caught my eye.  I was thinking, “WOW, I want to work here. I want to be the one making these images.” Truly breathtaking images.  All the while, envisioning in my head him telling me, “YOU’RE HIRED! the job was yours all a long. We just wanted to surprise you!!”  (Yeah right.)  Flashes of how amazing it would be to work there kept running through my head as I waited for the interview to begin. I felt intimidated by the older, very stylish, yet serene, older Lippke who took a seat at a farther end,  to “listen in” on the interview and help with the choosing process. It was quite pleasant and easy to speak to the younger Lippke because his youthful approach eased my nerves. Which was wonderful considering I had  found out I would be working primarily for him.  The typical questions were asked, I did my best to give my natural answers, they smiled and nodded at all the right places.  Then. It was over.

I gathered my things, my portfolio notebook of photos, and smiled widely as I was told, “Great, it was nice to meet you, we still have one more person to interview and to be fair we have to wait til that meeting to make an official decision”.  My heart sank a little, but I figured it was all apart of the process.  I left, still happy–hopeful. But later, when I knew that I hadn’t got the job, my heart pretty much fell out of my chest and shattered on the ground.  (you know…not to be overly dramatic or anything).  I had got my hopes up for that job…and THEN..later… when I had discovered that the big brother Lippke is a critically acclaimed, super well known high end wedding photographer, and that together the brothers formed this glorious Lippke empire …I’m pretty sure that was when I had truly realized the extent of what had happened. An absolute stellar opportunity– and I had blown it. I hadn’t even known it going into the interview…or getting that simple email.  My sister saw how bummed I was, and sat with me, to give me hope that there would be something out there…another opportunity.  All I kept thinking was that I wasn’t good enough.  And then, she said that maybe God was saying, “It’s not that you’re not good enough…it’s that you have what it takes to start your own empire. “  She made me realize that really all I had to do is be patient, keep working, improving, keep my focus on His path, and my path would be revealed—and not just a “whatever” path…but a path that I would be joyously proud of.  A month later I took the dive into creating my own business. From Jasmine’s entry, I got the impression that she had  met with the older brother, and found it worth noting that I on the other hand had met primarily with the younger brother. I guess I was just a generation away from her experience.

So…I didn’t have one of those cool moments where a flier fell on the floor and I picked it up and it somehow had my name cleverly-put-in-such-a-way that it spoke out to me as a sign. I wasn’t necessarily shown or given a sign that was cool enough to share like hers.  It was just the mere facts of the disappointed spirit I had after a failed interview.  Coming to my own place of wisdom, supplied by God, is what gave me the tough love I deserved.  The love that gave me the motivation to work harder.

And this is where…after reading Jasmine’s blog entry, I found the struggle I was looking for….my inspiration, and reminder to keep on working harder for my dream.

It comforted me to discover that my struggle was once hers (and many others), in almost the same way–at least for a moment.

If you actually read through all of that and got to this point...thank you. Or maybe you just scrolled all the way down looking for the picture. Oh, well either way...thanks for stopping by!